I can't believe the things you have done to me this weekend! I am so hurt.
I can't believe you left me home all day yesterday. It doesn't matter that you took me to the dog park first, or that the neighbor came to visit me twice, or that I had all my toys and the tv to keep me company. I could tell as soon as I licked your foot that you went somewhere awesome, and you didn't take me. I tasted beer and peanuts and cracker jacks.
Today you took me to the beach, but again you felt like punishing me. You know very well that I wear my life jacket for the attention it brings, not so I can swim. You made me swim today, and I will need time to forgive you. Then you made me come home just as that cute frenchie arrived. She could have been my soul mate. I was so upset, I couldn't even look at you on the drive home.
I love you, but if this behavior continues, I will have to consider trading you in.
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